‘I want to keep the hope alive.’ A journey through addiction, relapse, and recovery

For much of her life, Marcy appeared to be doing everything right.

She grew up in Iowa as a good student and athlete. She earned a scholarship and graduated with a bachelor’s degree, built a career in management, and eventually moved to Nebraska.

But behind the accomplishments, Marcy’s relationship with alcohol and substances was changing.

What began as something she would do on the weekends gradually became more serious. In her 30s, after years without using it, she was reintroduced to methamphetamine.

“Once I was introduced to that, nothing else mattered,” Marcy said.

Her substance use eventually affected her relationship and career. She sought treatment but relapsed. By the following year, she had returned to her hometown and was struggling with addiction and was pregnant with her only child.

“I was a 40-year-old addict, pregnant, and it was a really tough time for me,” she said.

Marcy knew that she wanted to be a mother, but she was afraid to tell anyone about her substance use.  When she failed a drug test when her child was several months old, Iowa’s Department of Health and Human Services gave Marcy options for treatment. One of them was the Rosecrance Jackson Centers’ Women’s Center.

When Marcy entered treatment, her child returned to her care shortly afterward, and the program’s on-site childcare allowed Marcy to participate in treatment while caring for her daughter.

“It was amazing being around other people who were in the same shoes as me,” Marcy said. “I was basically learning how to live as a mom. I had never had to do this before in my life. And I had to learn how to be a mom without drugs.”

After completing treatment, Marcy returned to her hometown and followed the requirements of her treatment and recovery programs. But she later relapsed.

She reached back out to Rosecrance. This time, she was the one asking for help.

“This was me asking for help, not someone telling me I needed to do it,” she said.

Marcy returned to treatment and eventually entered Rosecrance’s Sanctuary Apartments program, which provides supportive housing for people transitioning from treatment into recovery. She credits the housing program with giving her stability while she rebuilt her life.

“Had I not had that option, I don’t know what I would have done,” Marcy said.

Her recovery journey was not linear. After another relapse, Marcy returned to treatment and began looking more deeply at what had prevented her from sustaining recovery in the past.

She began to understand that knowing what to do was not enough. Marcy needed to change how she approached recovery.

“The surrender was the number one thing,” she said.

Through treatment, she learned skills to manage emotions, communicate with others, and change her thinking patterns. She also embraced the role of a higher power and the principles of 12-Step recovery and says that dialectical behavior therapy truly helped her.

Today, Marcy has been in recovery for nearly five and a half years.

Her experience has also shaped her work today. After a year in recovery, Marcy became a parent partner, helping other parents involved with Iowa’s child welfare system who are experiencing substance use challenges. She now works as a parent partner coordinator and has shared her story at state and national events, as well as with others working toward their own recovery.

“I truly believe this is what I’m supposed to be,” she said.

Marcy continues to share her story because she wants people struggling with addiction to understand that recovery remains possible, even when they have relapsed or lost hope.

“When you’re in addiction, hope gets so faded and jaded,” she said. “I want to keep the hope alive.”

She knows firsthand how difficult it can be to imagine a different life. She also knows that asking for help, accepting that help, and being willing to make changes can create a path forward.

“Life can be better again, and you can make good choices again,” Marcy said. “It can be done if we’re able to make the change, ask for help, and accept the help.”